Friday, January 30, 2009
The baby urge......or not
Okay, I admit it. When my first child started talking in sentences, that is when the urge to have another child started coming on. Maybe it is maternal instinct. Maybe the fact that your three year old will talk back and argue with you makes you want a small bundle of love. I don't know, but I know it persists. I always wanted to space my kids about three years apart. Obviously God had other plans. When my second child, Grant, was six months old, I found out I was pregnant. I am not going to lie to you, I cried. And screamed and cried some more. I did not even get my zipper up before the stick turned blue. That had to be the most surreal moment in my life. Grant was crawling around in the hallway, bottle hanging from his mouth and I am bawling like a baby. I had fifteen minutes to pick up Tyler at preschool and I can't stop crying.
So I pulled it together and called my doctor to confirm. Yep, preggers. Then I had to have an early ultra sound because I was spotting. Do you know what the tech asked me after an hour and a half of ultra sound? "Were you using any drugs for fertility?" I asked her if she was trying to tell me something. No, no, she assured me, we ask everyone that question. Really? I have never been asked that question before. Twins. Twins and a six month old and a three year old. Four kids under the age of five. Four kids. Four. Yikes.
Let's just say, the baby urge never came upon me again. When the twins were three I did get a puppy urge. Some will tell you that I was just transferring my baby urge to a helpless animal, but I think I was truly over wanting another baby. When you are done, you are done.
When you have children and you hold someone else's baby, someone always asks if it makes you want another? I always answer an emphatic no. Heck no. I would use more colorful words from time to time, but I am trying to clean my mouth up. No, I do not want another child. And that does not make me a bad person. It just makes me done. It is okay to be done.
I am over the puppy thing too, the whole peeing in the house took care of that for me.
Someone in California just had eight babies at one time. It just came out that she has six more at home. Okay, maybe she went for that "one more" and got eight. Eight for cripes sake. I would lose my mind. Whatever mind I have left that is.
It is not that I don't appreciate the whole "baby" smell and softness and that first smile. I just don't think I could survive eight more years of diaper changes. I added it up, I changed diapers for eight years straight. That is a lot of poo. I have filled a landfill with my children's soiled diapers. I could not do the middle of the night thing again. I did not sleep through the night for ten years, that can kill a person.
So, I would love to hold your baby, I just don't want one more of my own. And in knowing that I am done, I truly appreciate every moment of my children's lives. I cry and laugh and enjoy the kids I have and the ones I borrow from time to time.
Are you done or are you going for more? God bless you either way.