Friday, January 30, 2009

The baby urge......or not

Okay, I admit it.  When my first child started talking in sentences, that is when the urge to have another child started coming on.  Maybe it is maternal instinct.  Maybe the fact that your three year old will talk back and argue with you makes you want a small bundle of love.  I don't know, but I know it persists.  I always wanted to space my kids about three years apart.  Obviously God had other plans.  When my second child, Grant, was six months old, I found out I was pregnant.  I am not going to lie to you, I cried.  And screamed and cried some more.  I did not even get my zipper up before the stick turned blue.  That had to be the most surreal moment in my life.  Grant was crawling around in the hallway, bottle hanging from his mouth and I am bawling like a baby.  I had fifteen minutes to pick up Tyler at preschool and I can't stop crying.

So I pulled it together and called my doctor to confirm.  Yep, preggers.  Then I had to have an early ultra sound because I was spotting.  Do you know what the tech asked me after an hour and a half of ultra sound?  "Were you using any drugs for fertility?"  I asked her if she was trying to tell me something.  No, no, she assured me, we ask everyone that question.  Really?  I have never been asked that question before.  Twins.  Twins and a six month old and a three year old.  Four kids under the age of five.  Four kids.  Four.  Yikes.

Let's just say, the baby urge never came upon me again.  When the twins were three I did get a puppy urge.  Some will tell you that I was just transferring my baby urge to a helpless animal, but I think I was truly over wanting another baby.  When you are done, you are done.

When you have children and you hold someone else's baby, someone always asks if it makes you want another?  I always answer an emphatic no.  Heck no.  I would use more colorful words from time to time, but I am trying to clean my mouth up.  No, I do not want another child.  And that does not make me a bad person.  It just makes me done.  It is okay to be done.  

I am over the puppy thing too, the whole peeing in the house took care of that for me.  

Someone in California just had eight babies at one time.  It just came out that she has six more at home.  Okay, maybe she went for that "one more" and got eight.  Eight for cripes sake.  I would lose my mind.  Whatever mind I have left that is.  

It is not that I don't appreciate the whole "baby" smell and softness and that first smile.  I just don't think I could survive eight more years of diaper changes.  I added it up, I changed diapers for eight years straight.  That is a lot of poo.   I have filled a landfill with my children's soiled diapers.  I could not do the middle of the night thing again.  I did not sleep through the night for ten years, that can kill a person.  

So, I would love to hold your baby, I just don't want one more of my own.  And in knowing that I am done, I truly appreciate every moment of my children's lives.  I cry and laugh and enjoy the kids I have and the ones I borrow from time to time.  

Are you done or are you going for more?  God bless you either way.


apittman said...

I had moments after our third, but hubby definately, did NOT. I was bemoaning this fact with my mother who shared with me what my dad told her when she had the "just one more..." longing. He said, whether you have 1 or 21, at some point you'll have the last one." So, I was the last one in our family!

Baby Z's Mom said...

The only children are having an only child. I was one of the "advanced maternal age" mothers. Not that I was old, but we did have some health issues with me, so dear husband & I have decided one is not "the loneliest nubmer". I still have some guilt because hubby is younger than me, but he knew going in we probably wouldn't have a basketball team. It's hard when people ask if you are having more and you say no. You get looks like there is something wrong with you because you aren't going to have another, regardless of how many kids you already have, but especially when there is only one. Trust me, only children are not brats, not spoiled and have to have their way or lonesome/depressed all the time. Any child can be that way. It's not a curse or a disease to be an only child. All that said, I did just have a pang the other day holding a sweet 9 wk old, but oh to go back to all that, when potty independence is on the horizon is just madness.

Anonymous said...

SO done!!! The puppy thing comes around occasionally but you can leave them home with a bone and a dog door

hiyahun said...

I married a man with 2 kids from a previous marriage. I thought I just wanted one of my own and I would be done. After 2 years of fertility treatments and surgery, I was pregnant. I was so very excited and so were the boys. After I had my boy we had 3 beautiful kids and I was done, literally. I had no more cycles and thought that was just fine. I had my little one and 2 big ones and more then enough love for all. Then I found out 2 years later I was pregnant, again. I was so distraught. I didn't want another kid and didn't know what to do or how to handel it. Plus we were about to move away from my family to AZ. I was going to deliver a new little bundle of joy and no family would be there. Talk about drama, of course I was PG and hormonal. But the joy of my life, a little girl. I cant see not having her she has been such a blessing and joy in our lives and yes now we are done and to prove it I tied the tubes. Now when the baby urge hits, we got a cat...LOL actually we have 4 cats not, but thats stopped now too...