The Baby Box

I have given this as a present at many a baby shower.  Once I have explained it's use, at least three moms come up to me and say that they have done something similar.  It is my best and most useful invention ever!  It's actually pretty simple, but will make your life so much better.  It is called the Baby Box.  Make at least two, especially if you have a two-story home.  Have one on every level.  Keep it handy, if you spend a lot of time in the living room, keep it there.  Wherever you and the baby are, that is where it needs to be.  Here are the requirements for the standard baby box.

1. One plastic shoe box, available at Wal-Mart or Target or where ever, usually they are about one to two dollars.
2. Five to six diapers, replenish as necessary----and it will be necessary.
3. One box of baby wipes.  Give up on the whole washcloth thing, it is gross and just creates more laundry.  You have enough laundry.
4. A tube a Vaseline.  Not a box, but a squeeze tube.  You only need this if you have a circumcised boy and only for a couple of weeks.
5. One small box of gauze squares....again, only if you have a circumcised boy.
6. One small cup or shot glass full of Q-tips.  You really won't have much time to use the shot glass anyways.
7. One bottle of rubbing alcohol.
8. On clean onesie, replace when necessary.
9. One small bottle of hand sanitizer.

All of these things, properly arranged should fit in the box.  Now you have everything you need, in a portable box to change your newborn.  Here are your step-by-step instructions on that whole scenario.  These instructions come kid tested and mother approved.  

1. Open diaper, do not throw up.  Use top of diaper in a downward motion.  Use wipes as necessary to clean up the goo that will not get off your baby.  Check all crevices.  Once all wipes are used, use the tape from the diaper and form a leak proof little package of poo.
2. Squeeze a dollop of Vaseline onto gauze pad.  Put gauze, Vaseline side down on the poor circumcised little teedle (that is our family name for it you can call it a wee-wee, tinkle, whatever).  Put a new diaper on.  Fasten it tightly.  Of course, if you have a girl, you don't need the gauze or vaseline.
3. Take a Q-tip; dip it in the rubbing alcohol and wipe in a circular motion around the nasty stub of the umbilical cord.  Put icky Q-tip into dirty diaper, you should be able to tuck it in.
4. Put clothes back on or new outfit if old one is wet or poopy.
5. Put baby in a safe place and sanitize or wash your hands after you have thrown out the diaper and put the icky outfit into the laundry.

By the time you are done with all of this, your child will have had a major "explosion" and require you to do it all again.  So are the days of your life.  

I figured it out one time, I changed diapers for eight years straight.  Eight years.  You can become a doctor in eight years.  Me, I was up to my elbows in poo.  So were the days of my life.

Just one of my more helpful inventions, which I really didn't invent, but I will take credit for.  God bless, have a great day.