Time with Family

Good, bad or ugly, tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  I will be cooking all day, and I truly enjoy doing it.  Time to spend some time with family.  This can be challenging.  Maybe you don't like Great Aunt Ida or your sister-in-law hates your guts.  We still have to be in the same space together for a period of time tomorrow.  What's my advice?  Kill them with kindness.  Let everything roll off your back until you or they leave.  

Think about it, what memories of this day do you want your children to have?  The adults glaring at each other over the crescent rolls or smiling.  Look, you either married into the family or he married into yours and both of you have some crazies in the closet.  Every person walking this earth has a crazy in their family.  I say embrace the crazies, they make the holidays memorable.  You don't have to see these people 24/7, just a couple of times a year.  

Tomorrow as the family gathers, try to find at least one good thing about everyone, even the person who makes it their personal goal to find fault with you.  It can be fun and you will have a small smile on your face.  Maybe Aunt Ida is full of vinegar, but she makes the babies smile.  Maybe your sister-in-law hates your guts, but she loves your children.  Every person has good qualities, try to focus on those tomorrow.  I know this can be a challenge and require a little glass of wine to fortify, but all things in moderation and all that.

I hope you have a wonderfully crazy holiday tomorrow.  I am taking the rest of the week off to focus on family and the black friday sales.  God bless you and yours.  

That Kid

We all know that kid.  The one with no discipline who ruins everyone else's day.  You could be at the store, the park, a birthday party, whichever, and there is usually that kid.  He/she is crying, screaming, whining, and making everyone around them miserable.  The problem is, at least one time in our lives as parents, that kid is our kid.  Every child has a bad day, some more than others.  Every parent has the embarrassment of that day permanently etched on their brains.  Sometimes our kids just melt down and they will do it anywhere they can.  We have all been in the check-out line with the screaming kid.   Makes you want to crawl under a rock.

If you have never experienced this and are sitting on your high and mighty horse, brace yourself sweetie, your day will come, and when you least expect it.  I have been high and mighty.  This usually happens before we become parents.  Foolish things come out of our mouths.  Things like, "Why can't you control your child?", or better yet, "When I have kids, they will never act like that."  Be careful, you are just one skipped nap away from what you are witnessing.  Brace yourself, you too can become the victim of the "look" from another shopper.

I am mentioning this because we are about to embark on a busy shopping season.  Many moms have to take their little ones with them or they won't get anything done.  Show compassion to these moms.  Give them a little smile, a "I've been there" look, some kind of encouragement, they really need it.  No one wants to cart a screaming kid around, but if you don't, who will get Aunt Margie the perfect scarf?  Who?  Most stay at home moms cannot afford a sitter every time they need to go shopping.  So be aware, give encouragement and even maybe a little touch on the shoulder, with a little, "Hey, we have all had days like this, you will make it."  

Hosea 11:8 states, "My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused."

Let's all get our compassion aroused in this season of love and gratitude.  It is the most wonderful time of the year after all.

God bless you and yours

Crying in Target

Seemed simple enough.  My one and only girl, Tatum, needs a dress because she one of the key kids in the Christmas pageant at church.  She will also wear the dress to the Daddy/Daughter dance.  Very exciting.  This was so  very easy before, find something pretty and poofy and velvety and she will love it.  Not this year, something had changed.  My little girl is ten and apparently that is the age when they won't wear poofy.  Or velvety or anything you or I might have in mind.  My daughter, my mother-in-law and myself go off to do a quick shopping trip yesterday.  Simple.....dress, tights, shoes, maybe some jewelry.  We head off to Target because quite frankly, they have a nice variety of Christmas dresses that will not break the bank.  I cannot pay $100.00 for a dress to be worn maybe three times, it would kill me and my checkbook.  

We hit Target, Sunday afternoon, busy, but not crazy.  Head over to the Christmas dress section.  I pull out a gorgeous dress......too poofy at the bottom.  "I don't want anything poofy," says Tatum.  That nixed out every dress on the rack.  We went all over that department, skirts, sweaters....we went to the junior department, nothing.  Back to the little girl department, she finds it, a plain brown sweater dress.  It becomes all she wants.  Brown.  Brown.  It is brown, not a sparkle on it, not another color on it.  She wants brown tights to match, brown shoes, all that stuff.  Brown.  The color of dirt.  As I try in vain to get her to look at something in at least a pink or blue, she starts to cry.  I tell her she can have it, we will get some tights with polka dots in bright colors and pull the pink out for accessories.  Brown tights, polka dots, brown and pink plaid shoes (Hanna Montana shoes) and a pink headband.  Cute little necklace with a pink star, some earrings to match.  Brown, I cannot fathom it.

That is not the funny part.  I call my mother for some sympathy.  She is in hysterics.  I guess I was the same way, had to have my own way when it came to fashion, but I started in first grade.  My mother made me a blue gingham dress complete with sun bonnet for Easter.   Think Little House on the Prairie.  No I am not joking.  Little House came out that year on television and everyone was obsessed.  Think Holly Hobbie dolls.  That is what she made me wear.  To get the complete picture, you have to imagine the home perm in my hair (Orphan Annie had nothing on my blonde curls).  I looked hideous.  Seriously.  But........I got my picture in the local paper next to my first grade Easter project, cotton ball bunny on paper plate.  So my mother will throw in my face for the rest of my life.

Since sharing my story, I have heard of every kind of kid insisting on wearing all kinds of things because they "had" to wear it or they would die.  Weird.  I guess my point is, let them wear what they want.  You have to pick your battles.  Crying in Target is not worth it.  If I bought the poofy dress, she would have cried when wearing it.  I would have loved it, she would have cried.  It really is about her being happy.  Besides, twenty years from now, she'll call me from Target, crying because her daughter wants a green dress, or purple or whatever.  And I will laugh and tell her about the brown dress.  Oh well, life goes on.  

God bless you and yours.

Talking Turkey

With Thanksgiving arriving next week, I feel I must talk turkey.  My children go into hysterics every year because I literally talk to the turkey that I am about to cook.  I feel you need to coax the bird to be good.  I know you are doubting my sanity, but seriously, Thanksgiving is a day I am cooking all day and I have to crack myself up.  I am on my feet all day.

I mean aren't we all getting ready for our individual dysfunctional family get together?  I don't think that any family today is not affected in some way by divorce or addiction or whatever.  I used to host our dysfunctional family brunch followed by a full on turkey dinner.  By the end of the day, I need a drink.  And I don't drink.  I used to get so worked up about everyone being happy but finally realized that God is in control and I am not.  

So many of us rush around to get to at least two family get-togethers.  Some of have to do more than two.  Rush, rush, rush.  Kids have to look nice and be good at everyone's house.  I cook dinner so I don't have to run everywhere.  I also tell everyone coming to my house that it is a casual holiday, pajamas and sweats.  I refuse to dress up my children to have them wreck their new clothes, let them wear sweats.  It's what we all want to be wearing anyways and the first thing we will change into when we get home from the frolicking.  I say start the day comfy and just keep going.

With a rebel yell, take back your turkey day!  Let it be what your family wants it to be.  You don't have to make turkey, make pizza, just enjoy each other.  Holidays are for family and for love, not chaos.  Take back your holidays and make them yours, not the neighbors, not your mom's, not your sister's, yours.  Own it.  And if you are making turkey, talk to it, it really does make it turn out yummy.  If the turkey starts talking back, put down your wine glass.

God bless you and yours.  

Biters Biting

Okay, raise your hand if any of your kids are or were biters?  Be honest, there is usually one in every family.  This happens in the eighteen month to three year old range.  I have had a couple biters in my family.   They are sneaky about it.  Biters can also be quite shameless about it.

My first born started biting the new baby, not right away, but when Grant could crawl around and touch his stuff, the biting began.  At first, I did not know what was going on, just that the baby was crying and Tyler was running the other way.  Sneaky, sneaky.  My niece was a biter too, but she was beyond cute as a toddler.  The Sunday school teacher actually told my sister that they had a biter in class, but did not know who it was.  My sister, being an honest but embarrassed mom, told the teacher it was my niece.  The Sunday school teacher refused to believe it, "she is an angel in class."  Sneaky sneaky.

Have you ever been bitten by a little one?  They always manage to get the smallest piece of skin in the most sensitive spot.  My niece, the biter, took a small chunk off the top of my shoulder, I almost dropped her it hurt so bad.  Then I did what I believe stops biting and what all the books tell you never to do, I bit her back.  Then I told the precious, shocked looking angel that I would not bite her if she did not bite me.  She never bit me again.  Quit calling 911 and reporting me, I did not break the skin, but I did make my point.

I did the same thing when my little chomper started to bite and I caught him at it.  I bit him back.  I know every book out there says not to do it, but it works.  My kids always stopped biting by the second bite back.  Their actions have to have consequences or they will just keep on doing what they are doing.  

Some of you are thinking I am nuts, and that is okay, but I truly believe it is the only thing that works with biters.  I had a neighbor who had a biter that was biting all of our kids at play dates.  I told her the only way to stop it was to bite him back.  She was appalled, and put her child in time out.  He came out of time out to bite again.  And again.  And again.  Pretty soon, our kids did not want to play with the biter.

I understand that today most books are touchy feely and never hurt their feelings type books.  Sometimes, you have to go back to the good old days.  I am a recovering biter and the only thing that stopped me was my mom biting me back.  Action, consequence.  Pretty black and white to a three year old.  I do not advocate any type of abuse, a little swat on a diapered butt is not abuse, neither is a small bite on the arm to prove a point.  

Your little guy or girl, and the age of eighteen months understands every word coming out of your mouth.  They are way smarter than we give them credit for and will manipulate a situation to their advantage.  I have seen this with my own eyes, it is true.

I totally understand that not all will agree with me on this, and I appreciate you knowing your own mind, I truly do.  I am just being honest about something that worked in my world of biting.

God bless you and yours.

Toddlers Toddling

Where does that word come from anyways?  Toddlers....... sounds like weebles, and the both wobble before the fall down.  I would say toddlers are two to three year olds.  That is my guesstimation.  

Amazing what a child of this age can get into.  They get into stuff you did not know they knew about.  I came out of the shower one day to find one of my children (who shall remain nameless) making "eggies" on my carpet in front of the television.  A dozen eggs broken and ground into my carpet, stirring with a spoon of course.  All I did was try to get the stink off of me and I come out to this.  Shells everywhere, and he was so proud.  What can you do except, get dressed, get some spot-shot and clean up?  Seriously, where do they come up with this stuff?

I truly think it is just them trying out their little world.  Everything is new and wonderous to them.  What will they come up with next.  I used to lie in bed at night and tremble at the thought.  Kids really are amazing at this age, they also need to have boundaries.  Boundaries, which I have discussed before, help your child, they do not limit your child.  Rules are good.  Trust me on this, mother of four, rules rock.

Ask all of your friends today what was the weirdest thing their children did at this age, brace yourself, you will laugh so hard, you will cry.

God bless you and yours.

My Coop-de-doop

So yesterday I shared that I have a son with Aspberger's Syndrome.  I hope that all of you did not think that I sounded too flippant about it.  We have had four years to accept and deal with this challenge in his life.

For those of you who do not know, Aspbergers is on the mild side of autism.  They sometimes call it the geek syndrome because of the lack of social graces these children have.  Cooper used to have a hard time looking you in the eye, cannot discern facial cues in conversations, things like that.  His world is black and white and the world we live in is full of shades of gray.  I used to have so many worries about my little guy.  

When Cooper was first diagnosed, I admit, I was ticked off at God.  Seriously, four kids, why can't they all be relatively normal?  Then I asked myself, "What is normal?"  Then I googled and researched anything and everything about it.  Knowledge is power after all.  Then I prayed.

I think praying about it, giving my little guy over to God is truly what made a difference.  In reading my bible I came across Psalm 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful."  Wow, that is my Cooper.  He may be different, but he is wonderfully so.  Cooper is a work of God and God's works are wonderful.

Okay, we face challenges with him, but he has so many gifts.  He has an incredible sense of humor.  He has "Cooperisms" that come out of his mouth that make perfect sense and tickle my sense of the ridiculous.  He is incredibly smart and will probably cure some horrible disease or invent some microchip we all cannot live without.  He looks at things differently, truly uniquely and that helps all of us look at the world through Cooper's eyes.  What a great view.

Not everything we face in our lives as mothers is filled with wonder, most of it is really hard.  But we need to try to find the wonder.

What is special and unique about each of your children?  What is the silliest thing they have ever done?  Laugh my friends, laugh.

God bless you and yours.